


Again

by SociallyAwkwardWeirdo25



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms
Genre: Drabble, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28563276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SociallyAwkwardWeirdo25/pseuds/SociallyAwkwardWeirdo25
Summary: Jamie's thoughts after his night with Lady Geneva Dunsany.
Relationships: Past Jamie Fraser/Claire Beauchamp
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Again

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise.**

How could it of happened again?

Jamie rolls over in his small bed, pressing his face into the blanket and trying to force the thoughts of what just happened from his mind.

Lady Geneva Dunsany threaten his family, informing him that if he would not laid with her she would send soldiers to Lallybroch, to harm his sister, Ian and their bairns.

What happened with the bitchy lass was not violent, in another situation he may of liked it, if not for the fact that every move made his skin near crawl off his body with the knowledge that if he did not do as she wished his sister would be hurt or even killed. And every moan, touch and feeling forced his mind back to Black Jack Randall all those years ago.

A respected person from England threatening his loved ones and making it so he cannot fight them as they take pleasure from his body while acting both cruelty and passionate, as though he should enjoy being raped. The night that has haunted his dreams for the last 15 years is so alike, _too alike_ to what the lady did it hurts.

It took all he had not to punch that spoilt bitch and end it before it happened, but he held back for his sister, her family, his fear of going back to prison.

.......for John.

If he were to harm Lady Dunsany, no matter the circumstances it would ruin the reputation of the man whom got him his position as a groom, and he couldn't do that to his friend.

But none of that matters now, he has done what was needed. It is over.

" _Come to my room. Tonight"_

Jamie grimaces, grabbing his flask and drinking down the whiskey. No he can't do this again, the nightmares about Randall only just became less regular, he can't go through this again.

Not without Claire.

She was all that got him through it last time, only thing that stopped him from ending his misery. He can't do this again.

And why should he? He has nothing to live for, last time he had Claire, Murtagh...the bairn that was in his Sassenach's belly. But now? Claire is in her own time with Frank and their second bairn, Murtagh is likely dead, Faith is long dead, Fergus the boy who may as well be his son is with Jenny and from his letters happy, without him, and Jenny and her family doesn't truly need him.

There is nothing left tying to this world but pain, can he really get through this again with nothing but his pain?

Her face appears his mind, beautiful, kind as ever...broken and distraught as she reads a 200 year old article about him dying by his own hand.

NO.

He lets out a harsh breath, he can get through this alone. He _has_ too.

For Claire.

He takes one more drink from his flask and rolls over, letting the nightmares take him, knowing he can't stop them.

But he has been here before and if he can get through the next few months (years) the dreams will become more bearable.

He has too, for Claire.


End file.
